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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256274">Moondust</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniac_with_dreams/pseuds/Insomniac_with_dreams'>Insomniac_with_dreams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, But Keith Doesn't Think He Should, Caring Lance (Voltron), Character Study if you will, Crying Keith (Voltron), Crying Lance (Voltron), Guilt, Lance Loves Keith (Voltron), Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Sad Keith (Voltron), Self-Hatred</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:41:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniac_with_dreams/pseuds/Insomniac_with_dreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>~I long to hear your voice, but still, I make the choice to bury my love, in the moondust~</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keith/Lance (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Moondust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> ~I long to hear your voice, but still, I make the choice to bury my love, in the moondust~ </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Guilt.</p><p> </p><p>Keith knew guilt. It had been a companion to him for many years. It first manifested itself when he realized his mother wasn't coming back to him. He had learned to hide it well because his father wasn't the same. Not how Keith used to know him. Not the same man who looked at the sky with the eyes of a man in love. Not the man who thought the desert was a living breathing soul.</p><p> </p><p>So different, so distant.</p><p> </p><p>Keith had lain wake many nights staring up at the stars through his window, wondering when the stars had lost their magic, and his small mind had come to the conclusion that it was his fault. Then when he would climb down the stairs, holding fast to the railing, the steps were so tall, to perch on the third step from the bottom and watch his dad in the dimly lit kitchen.</p><p>His dad's hunched form and sunken shoulders were enough for him to stay quiet about his guilt.</p><p>It never left him after that. It became something he recognized, something that had become second nature. His father hadn't come back one night. When the cop had told him what had happened, he was once again swamped in guilt twisted with grief. He hadn't been enough for his dad to stay.</p><p>It hit him hard and fast. When he yelled at Pidge for simply wanting to find her family. When he scoffed at the "stupid" games Lance and Hunk would make up. When he would push everyone away and spend hours alone, fighting off the sting in his eyes and the ache in his throat on the training deck.</p><p>When Thace, and Ulaz, and Regris had died, it had broken something in him. He fought a losing battle against his anger and guilt.  He had been washed in the sticky heavy feeling of crushing guilt, and when he returned the looks of disappointment on his teammates' faces, was enough to beat Keith to the ground. Enough to make him feel as if he was never going to rise again.</p><p>Then they were on Naxela, and it felt like the end, the right end. He could save his family. Then Lotor was tearing through the skies and destroying the shield. Leaving Keith to be eaten by the guilt of his actions. Leaving him more isolated from his team then he had ever thought.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You ran away Keith. Maybe you should've just stayed away. </em>
</p><p>When Lance had said that to him, a glare of hatred leveled at him; it had felt like Keith and been pushed out of an airlock without a spacesuit. It burned, it stung, it ripped through him. His stomach had rolled painfully and his oxygen-deprived mind had tripped over itself because Lance had been right. Keith had run away, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stay away.</p><p>Even after the ordeal, after everything was back to normal, it plagued Keith's mind. Filling him with lead guilt until he thought he would be driven mad. Yet, after years of guilt, years of making so many mistakes, none of it made him hurt like he hurt now.</p><p> </p><p>The war was over, they had made it back to Earth and the team had gone their separate ways. Keith had gone back to space. He hadn't been able to feel right with his team after Allura died. The rational part of his brain said that it wasn't his fault, but the louder more familiar part of his mind made him feel as if he was.</p><p>It should have been him. If it was then everyone would be happier.</p><p>It was in this moment that Keith despised every part of his being. Because all he could think, sitting by Lance in the shadow of Allura's statue, her regal features shadowed by the gold of dusk behind her, was how beautiful Lance was.</p><p>They were facing the setting sun and the coral-colored sky. The light waked over Lance in soft celestial waves, making him shimmer. The blue on his cheeks sparkle. Light wove through his brown hair turning it copper and gold, illuminating it so it appeared as a halo. </p><p>He looks like an angel Keith decides. An angel at the feet of a goddess.</p><p>Lance was talking quietly to Allura so Keith had moved away. He looked down the hill to where Lance's tiny blue car was parked. They had come together as Keith was staying with Lance and his family while he was back on earth. That made it so much worse. Because he didn't only love Lance. No, he loved Lance's nieces and nephews. He loved his parents and siblings. He loved the flowers they grew and the cows they milked.</p><p> </p><p>He loved them with his entire soul.</p><p> </p><p>He had made the fatal mistake of returning.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you ready?" Keith looked over as soft fingertips brushed his arm. Lance's blue eyes seemed clearer then they had, his smile falling more easily on his lips. It made Keith look away. Allura made him happy. Allura was amazing and brilliant. Allura was gone. Who was he to feel the way he did.</p><p>He shouldered the guilt that was swallowing him. Lifting it with everything he had.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, let's go."</p><p>The sun was gone and the house was dark when they finally got back. The single lightbulb porch was the only visible light and it threw yellow across the grass of the front yard. Every so often a bug would flit across the lightbulb and send flickering shadows fracturing through the swath of light.</p><p>The ride home had been near silent. Lance felt miles away, so far from reach instead of just on the other side of the middle console.</p><p>Keith hadn't tried to fill the suffocating silence and he still didn't even as they climbed the steps onto the front porch. Lance reached into his pocket for the key pausing as he held it up to the lock. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but reconsidered and closed it.</p><p>The door to the house opened without a sound. It was a new door. Keith had helped fit it into place when they had built the house. Lance had thrown his arms around him and Keith had scooped him up and twirled him.</p><p>Lance paused on the door to toe-off his shoes and Keith followed example. Lance smiled at him as he lined them up by Nadia's pink ones. He looked away from that smile. He didn't deserve it.</p><p>Lance turned away heading for the stairs before pausing. He turned back to Keith who was still standing on the welcome mat.</p><p>"Are you hungry?"</p><p>The thought of sitting in a dark kitchen eating leftovers with Lance had Keith's heart thrumming but his stomach sinking. He should say no. He should go to bed and sleep off this heaviness. He should stop indulging himself in Lance's company.</p><p>"Yeah, I could eat."</p><p>Lance turned on the overhead light above the stove before he opened the fridge. The white light burned Keith's eyes and he sat down at the barstool furthest from it, watching Lance sift through the contents of the fridge. He chewed his lip eyeing the tea kettle on the stove.</p><p>"Would you mind if I made some tea?"</p><p>His voice was quiet but it still seemed to ring through the silent house. Lance popped his head up over the door of the fridge.</p><p>"Of course not. You know where the stuff is. I was actually considering tea."</p><p>Keith moved silently around the kitchen preparing everything he needed, hating how easy it was for him to maneuver around the cabinets.</p><p>He pulled down two mugs. A white one with a tiny chip in it and Lance's, world's best uncle, one. He couldn't help but smile at the bright blue mug. The words written in the most sickening yellow.</p><p>He was so engrossed in the task at hand, that he didn't hear Lance walk up behind him. He flinched as arms wrapped around his waist, and his breath hitched as he felt Lance's warmth press into his neck.</p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>Keith's voice shook, almost as bad as his hands trembled. Lance sighed and squeezed him tighter. His hand ran up Keith's chest until his right palm rested over his heart.</p><p>"I'm holding you."</p><p>Keith pressed his eyes closed against the intense burning that threatened to spill.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>His voice was a hoarse rattle. Lance pressed his forehead deeper between Keith's shoulder blades, letting out his own shaky exhale.<br/><br/>"You looked like you needed to be held."</p><p>Keith could feel everything press against him in that moment. He felt his willpower begin to shrink, and Lance's arms felt like the safest place in the universe. They weren't going to let him fall, and if he slipped they would catch him.</p><p>He slumped against the counter. Spreading his arms to better brace himself, and let Lance hold him up. Let Lance feel a tiny bit of his burden.</p><p>Just for now, he thought. Just for now.</p><p>
  <em> ~And there's nothing, that I can do </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Except bury my love for you~ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ~I have dreams about the days, driving through your sunset breeze~ </em>
</p><p>They sat close together at the bar. Their arms pressed together. Lance was so close that Keith could smell the shampoo he had used in the morning before they left, and even in the low light, Keith could see the freckles that sat lightly on his cheeks.</p><p>He tended to cover them before going out. Keith wished he wouldn't.</p><p>Keith's hands were wrapped around his cup of tea, pretending the warmth was Lance's hand. He could've reached out and grabbed Lance's hand. It was tempting, but he had gotten his fair share of Lance for the night. He wasn't going to let himself have anymore.</p><p>They had settled on eating cold roast on French bread. Lance had been pleased when he had discovered it. It must have been good, but Keith tasted nothing when he bit into it.</p><p>The realization that their time in the low lit kitchen was drawing to an end. They would part ways. Lance climbing the stairs to his bedroom leaving Keith a floor below in the guest bedroom.</p><p>If he could, he would go back in time and step out of Lance's arms when he placed them around him.</p><p>He wasn't sure how he was to survive the night now.</p><p>Lance's cup was empty and his napkin was cleared. He looked over at Keith, surveying the state of his own food.</p><p>His cup was still half full, and his sandwich sat with one bite taken out of it.</p><p>"I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought."</p><p>Keith says it quickly before Lance's blue eyes could look with startling clarity into his own. Before he would ask the question that Keith hated to hear.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Are you okay? </em>
</p><p><em> <br/></em>He couldn't lie to Lance. It was something that Keith had never been able to do. Especially now. So if asked that question, he wouldn't be able to perfect his face and say he was fine. Not like with Shiro.</p><p>"That's okay. It's late anyway. If you want I can wrap it up for you, or you could throw it out. I don't think anyone would miss it."</p><p>Lance's voice was gentle, his tone serine, and suddenly Keith needed to get away from him.</p><p>Away from his summer scent and spattering of freckles</p><p>Away from his warm arms and worried eyes.</p><p>Away from him.</p><p>So he stood. The stool made a hideous scraping noise as he pushed it along the tile of the floor. It rang accusingly through the still air, and Lance looked up at him startled by his haste.</p><p>"Uh. I think I'll throw it out."</p><p>Lance stood with him and Keith knew what was coming next. He put the sandwich into the bucket of scraps for the chickens and threw away his napkin.</p><p>Lance followed suit. </p><p>Keith turned away then fully intent on leaving the kitchen. Lance grabbed his wrist, halting him. Keith squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p>"I'm not going to ask you," Lance said his voice had a tremor to it that Keith didn't know how to read. " But I'm here Keith, and something is wrong. You can come to me. You know you can."<em> <br/><br/><br/></em>Keith did know. He had always known because Lance was kind and real and good. He was everything Keith wasn't. He was everything Keith drove away.</p><p>"I know."</p><p>Then he was pulling away.</p><p>
  <em> ~Nothing can breathe, in the space </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Colder than, the darkest sea~ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Sleep did not come to him. He lay atop the sheets trying to fend off the muggy heat that swelled in the room. Even with the window open and his shirt off, sweat still clung to his brow and chest.</p><p>He should leave. </p><p>For good.</p><p>He could throw himself into his work and ignore the stubborn yearn for Lance that his heart refuses to let go.</p><p>He could leave.</p><p>Get up and walk away. Out past the fields of juniberries. Let himself get sucked into the cold emptiness of space.</p><p>He wouldn't though, and in truth, he knew he couldn't. </p><p>Not again.</p><p>Never again.</p><p>He swung his legs off the bed and pushed himself up. It was bright out, almost like it was day, and the juniberries cast thin shadows across the grass. Stretching like fingers until they were swallowed by the deeper shadows of the big cottonwood.</p><p>Keith slipped silently through the house and held his breath as he opened the back door. These doors faced the east, from where the sun rose, and in the mornings the kitchen was washed in pure golden light.</p><p>Keith's goal was the tree halfway along the path that ran through the middle of the field. </p><p>It had been there when Lance's family had gotten there, probably hundreds of years old. It had suffered a lightning strike, leaving the top burnt and the branches splayed. The perfect tree for climbing.</p><p>Keith had fallen in love with it the first time Lance had shown it to him.</p><p>It was so beautifully different. Rough amid the soft pink hues of the flowers that surrounded it.</p><p>Keith let the softness of the night and the scent of the juniberries calm his racing mind and soothe his aching soul.</p><p>He placed a hand on the bark of the tree when he reached it. Leaning his forehead against it and breathing in deeply. The tree's scent was also so different from its surroundings. </p><p>Damp, deep, and earthy.</p><p>Living.</p><p>"I thought I might find you out here."</p><p>Lance's voice was so quiet it almost was stolen by the breeze. </p><p>Keith let a smile slip onto his lips, not turning around to face him. Holding tighter to the tree. Letting it ground him.</p><p>Lance didn't come closer to him, but Keith heard the shift of his arms as he crossed them over his body. The rustle was familiar. He was wearing his jacket. The jacket that Keith knew Lance for.</p><p>"I know I said I wouldn't ask," Lance paused shifting where he stood.  "But I think I'm going to lose you."</p><p>He did move closer now, Keith could feel the warmth radiating from him.</p><p>"Keith," the pain in his voice was palpable. "I can't lose you. Please."</p><p>The plea was stolen. Stolen from between them, but not lost to Keith.</p><p>"You won't lose me. I'm here. I'm not leaving."</p><p>Lance made a pained noise finally reaching out and grabbing his shoulder. Turning him lightly so they faced each other.</p><p>Lance searched his face. His eyes seemed translucent in the starlight.</p><p>"Are you though?"</p><p>Keith fought to not shrug off Lance's hand. A war waging in him.</p><p>"Of course I am. Where else would I be?"</p><p>He meant it, but his voice was hollow.</p><p>Lance bit his lip.</p><p>"Then why are you pulling away from me?"</p><p>Keith made to look away but Lance cupped his jaw, keeping his eyes on him.</p><p>"Keith. Please. Tell me, let me help you."</p><p>Keith's heart lurched at that and his stomach rolled. His mind screamed danger and he jerked out of Lance's grip. Mimicking Lance's earlier position crossing his arms. Putting a shield between him and Lance.</p><p> </p><p>Lance's expression broke. Pain flickering over the concern.</p><p> </p><p>Keith ignored it.</p><p>" It's for the best that I," he wasn't sure what to say so he took a step back and gestured between them.</p><p>Lance's eyes flashed.</p><p>"Why?! Did I do something? Did I hurt you?"</p><p>Keith cursed and shook his head, and Lance looked so devastated that Keith wanted to pull him into an embrace. But he'd never let go then. And he had to.</p><p>"Of course not Lance. You didn't do anything."</p><p>"Then let me help you with whatever is going on. We're a team, Keith." Lance put a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>Keith felt tears gather in his throat and burn behind his eyes. He shrugged it off and turned away.</p><p>"I don't need you to help me, Lance. It's for the best. Trust me."</p><p>He began to walk away fully intent on returning to the house and putting this behind him. But then Lance was letting out a choked sob.</p><p>"Then let me love you!"</p><p>
  <em> ~Yeah I'm living far away, on the face of the moon </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I've buried my love to give the world to you~ </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Keith's throat hurt as the question dredged itself up. He turned back to Lance.</p><p>His arms were wrapped around himself again. His eyes were red-rimmed, his lips trembled. The breeze had picked up, blowing his hair around his face.</p><p>He looked at Keith though, with strong blue eyes. Unwavering save for the film of tears over them.</p><p>"I said, let me <em>love </em>you. If you won't let me help you let me love you."</p><p>The thought had Keith jerking and grabbing the tree. His knees suddenly feeling weak. Lance closed the distance between them. Holding Keith up, a hand on his chest and back.</p><p>"You. You can't."</p><p>Lance looked down.</p><p>"I know that you," he pauses and presses his eyes closed. Against tears or what he was about to say, Keith didn't know. " I know that you probably don't feel the same, but I-I'm in love with you Keith."</p><p>The world seemed to come to a halt. The crickets that had been keeping up a soft chorus seemed to have died all as one. The tree was all Keith was aware of. The tree and Lance's warm palms.</p><p>Then the hard cool ground. Keith landed on it hard and with little grace. He was vaguely aware of Lance cursing and falling to his knees by him.</p><p>Lance's hands were on his face now. Holding his cheeks wiping the liquid that was coursing down them.</p><p>He wasn't sure when he started crying.</p><p>"I'm sorry Keith. I'm sorry."</p><p>He was sorry? Why was he sorry? Keith was supposed to be the sorry one. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen.</p><p>Keith was supposed to be the one apologizing. He was supposed to be the one promising to leave just to preserve their friendship.</p><p>Keith was supposed to confess with tears running down his face, his hands trembling, his heartbreaking, as he ruined everything between them.</p><p>But Lance is in love with him.</p><p>
  <em> Lance is in love with him. </em>
</p><p>Keith looks up at Lance's face. The regret in those blue pools is gut-wrenching.  He's pulling away from Keith, and he needs him to stay. Needs him to know that it's not just him.</p><p>He grabs Lance's collar. Harder than he probably should've, and pulls him hard against his chest. Lance hesitates before wrapping his arms around Keith and holding on like his life depends on it.</p><p>Keith cups the back of Lance's head, and Lance presses his face into Keith's neck. Keith brushed his lips against the soft hair at Lance's temple. Pressing a kiss into the light beating there.</p><p>"Don't apologize to me. Don't say sorry." He says it gently with a smile stretching his mouth. Lance shudders against him. " Oh, Lance."</p><p>Keith rocks them, for both of their comforts. Lance clings to him and sniffles. </p><p>"Lance, can you look at me?" </p><p>Lance pulled back wiping his eyes and nose. He seems to have lost some of his courage as he struggles to raise his eyes. Keith gently knocks his chin up. He wants Lance to see his eyes as he says this. He wants Lance to know he means everything from his core.</p><p>"I've loved you for far longer than you realize."</p><p>Lance blinks at him, one of his hands coming up to brush back Keith's windblown bangs. Keith takes a risk and brings that same hand down to press a kiss to his palm.</p><p>Lance sucked in a sharp breath as if what Keith had just told him was finally registering.</p><p>" You're in love with me? Then why? Why were you trying desperately to get away?"</p><p>Keith sighs and looks away his hand fell from Lance's as he dropped it to his lap.</p><p>"I hated myself for it, Lance. So much." Lance grabs his hand again and squeezes it. " I couldn't believe that I was still feeling the way I was after you lost Allura. I-I couldn't stand myself, and it's not just that. It's everything I've ever done, it's just me!"</p><p>Lance clutched his hands tighter, almost painfully so.</p><p>"You listen to me Keith Kogane, and you listen good." His voice was stern but still quite. "I nearly died after Allura sacrificed herself, I nearly let myself go because I blamed myself. All I could think was, why wasn't I enough? Why wasn't I good enough for her to stay."</p><p>Keith opened his mouth but Lance placed his fingers over his lips.</p><p>" Do you know what saved me? Do you know what made everything okay? Do you know why I can talk to Allura now? You."</p><p>Keith pulled back away from the fingers at his lips.</p><p>"No. No Lance that was all you."</p><p>Lance shook his head. His lips were pressed tight.</p><p>"No, it wasn't. If it weren't for the team, for you, I don't know where I would be right now. I do know though, that I wouldn't have ever let my heart healed. That I would be stuck in the same mindset as you, who am I to love someone after Allura?"</p><p>Lance was breaking his heart piece by piece with every word he said. Keith opened his mouth again but Lance shook his head with a smile.</p><p>" I think that I have loved you longer than you realize too."</p><p>He was drawing nearer. So near that Keith could feel his breath ghost over his face.</p><p>
  <em> ~Lookin' at you, like a star </em>
</p><p>
  <em> From a place, the world forgot~ </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>"I'm not telling you this to scare you away. You scare so easily." He grinned softly at that, lifting his hand to the back of Keith's neck to push their foreheads together. " I'm telling you this because no one deserves to feel guilt like that, and because I want you to know, I love you anyway."</p><p>Lance pressed a light kiss to the tip of Keith's nose.</p><p>" I love that you come back. Always."</p><p>A kiss on his right cheek just above the scar.</p><p>"I love your courage to fight for what you love."</p><p>A kiss to his eyelids, which had slipped closed.</p><p>" I love your scars and flaws."</p><p>Finally, a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Soft and warm.<em> <br/></em></p><p>"And if you'll let me, I'd love to love you."</p><p>How could Keith deny him? Here surrounded by sweet-smelling flowers the night stilling itself just for them, Keith took a breath and blew the dust off of his heart. Let his true feelings for the man kneeling in front of him finally shine.</p><p>He was perfect by any means, and there was much to be talked about, but here, now, it was alright.</p><p>"You can love me." His voice was rough and the sentiment sounded stilted coming from his lips, but Lance beamed at him.</p><p>Then he was tilting Keith's chin higher, running his hands along his jaw, pressing their lips together.</p><p>The cold of the earth contrasted greatly to the warmth that bloomed on Keith's chest. </p><p>Warm and real.</p><p>Alive.</p><p>For the first time since he could remember, Keith was ready to come down. To face himself, to fall, because this time he'd have his lifeline with him. He wouldn't drift far.</p><p>                                                                                                                                     </p><p>
  
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